Perfect, Just as You Are
by RvrSong
Summary: Have you ever had one of those days? Weeks? Years? Bella has. In her early forties, Bella sees herself as a shell of the woman she once was. Edward loves his wife. She's perfect to him and he thinks that should be enough. In one weekend, he'll show Bella how much he loves her and that perfection is in the eye of the beholder. Submission to the Fandom 4 OK Fundraiser.


**Submission for the Fandom 4 OK Fundraiser Compilation – July 2013**

**Title: **Perfect, Just as You Are

**Rated: **R

**Warnings: **Sexual content (consensual)

**Beta: **Mauigirl60

**Summary: **Have you ever had one of _those _days? Weeks? Years? Bella has. In her early forties, Bella sees herself as a shell of the woman she once was. Spiraling into a depression over her middle aged weight gain, the day to day pressures of being a mom, an unfulfilling full time job outside of the home and a husband who only seems to get better with age; she is about to snap. Literally.

Edward loves his wife of twenty years. She's perfect to him and he thinks that should be enough. But he realizes what she needs and if there is one thing he knows he can do well, it's taking care of his girl.

In one weekend, he'll show Bella how much he loves her and that perfection is, quite honestly, in the eye of the beholder. Our perceived imperfections are our road map to who we are and what we've done; our memories, hour history and our life.

_**Dedicated to those affected by the tornados that struck Oklahoma City and the surrounding area in May 2013 as well as the heroes that answered the call for help. Our thoughts and prayers are with them as they rebuild their lives. **_

**Perfect, Just as You Are**

"Edward, please don't touch me." Bella shrugged off her husband's touch as he tried to embrace her from behind.

She was standing in her closet, naked, after her shower, trying desperately to find something to wear. It was a frustrating endeavor as she searched the rack for jeans that wouldn't pinch her waist and a shirt that wouldn't pull across the roll of fat that had begun to grow around her midsection. If the weight gain over the last few years wasn't bad enough, she was more bloated than normal today. Whether today's seemingly sudden expansion was caused by the Super Moon, the bottle of wine with her friends over Mexican food last night, or the bagels she had for breakfast the last five days in a row, she couldn't say for sure.

PMS was off the table due to the hysterectomy two years ago; although water retention was still a possibility. It was official, being middle-aged sucked.

She began to push more frantically to find something to wear, self-conscious about what her forty-something ass looked like from behind. She could feel Edward's eyes on her and it made her want to run and hide. After all, the only reason he'd even found her here naked was because she thought he was still outside mowing the yard.

"Bella, I love seeing you naked. You're perfect and beautiful," Edward spoke softly from the closet doorway. Her back still facing him, he pushed her hair to the side and moved to stand flush with his wife of twenty years, leaning in to kiss her neck.

Lately, Bella felt anything _but_ beautiful.

And she certainly was _not_ perfect.

"Edward!" She refused to turn; instead, she reached behind herself and pushed him off. "Please, I'm _really_ not in the mood."

As Bella heard Edward leave the room, she hung her head. She hated hearing the words as they left her mouth and hated how she was sure they made her husband feel. She used to love nothing more than lying around in bed with Edward. Sex had been her favorite pastime – when they were twenty-something. But, as the years progressed, _Get naked NOW _had turned into _Wait, the baby might cry_ and, eventually, _Let's schedule some 'us time'_. Worse yet, when they did have the time in their ever-busy schedules for some intimacy, she was rarely in the mood. Bella was too worried over how she looked and what Edward would think of the stretch marks and jelly rolls to relax enough to enjoy sex. That was why, twice a month, when Bella conceded to her husband's needs, it was always in the dark and _always _under the covers.

Always curvy for her five-foot-three frame, as a teenager and young adult, Bella had liked her body. Sure, she'd always had to work at keeping the weight off, unlike her friend Alice, who could eat nearly everything she saw and never gain a pound. Five kids later, Alice was still a size two, or was it a zero? _Bitch! _

But, with some effort, Bella had managed to keep the weight gain to a minimum; that was until she got closer to forty. Then it all went to shit, rather quickly.

It didn't help matters that Edward's body had remained beautiful over the last twenty years. Like a fine wine, he'd only gotten better with age. He was lucky enough to have a gym in the same building as his office and met his friends there nearly every morning, alternating between weights and cardio. Between his friendly and kind demeanor and his devastatingly good looks, even into his forties, women – young and old – still fawned all over him.

It made Bella even more ill at ease about her own looks. After all, what would stop him from taking one of the younger women with the perfect bodies up on an offer for sex? However, instead of turning to an exercise routine of her own, her insecurities pushed her right into the arms of her good friends, Ben & Jerry. This sometimes included a layover at her favorite place, Pepperidge Farms.

"Damn it to fuck! I have nothing to wear!" Bella huffed as she turned and walked out of the closet and over to her dresser. Pulling open the drawers, she grabbed her underwear, bra, a pair of yoga pants and an oversized t-shirt.

_Yoga._ She scoffed. _There's a novel thought._

Perhaps she should try yoga. She chastised herself for even considering it. There was no way she would go to any gym in the current state she was in, she refused to be the fat lard rolling on the floor and attempting poses like the 'Cat-Cow' and 'Downward Facing Dog' as the skinny, model-like women around her choked on their chuckles.

_Nope._

"Bella, please." Bella jumped and spun to face Edward. He looked at her apologetically as he realized he'd startled her. She'd been so deep in her self-deprecating thoughts that she hadn't noticed he was still in the room, standing on the other side of the bed. She grabbed a hair tie from the dresser top and then pulled her hair up in a ponytail before addressing him.

"What, Edward? I'm a fucking cow! Nothing fits! My face is fat and I just want to be left alone!" She knew it was irrational for her to take her anger out on her husband. He was just trying to be his usual kind and understanding self. But she didn't want kind and understanding. She wanted him to validate how she felt about herself.

Angrily, she waited for him to tell her that yes, she had let herself go. But he would never do that, and she knew it. He loved her too much to ever say that to her. Even if it were true.

Bella choked back tears as Edward cautiously walked toward her. Approaching her slowly, as if she were a feral animal whose trust he needed to earn, he got close enough to place a hand on her arm. Bella dropped her gaze then, unable to look into his beautiful green eyes. He was, after all, a therapist. Trained in reading body language and finding the underlying issues which people didn't want to talk about, there was no way he'd miss the self-loathing in her eyes.

His other hand came up and cupped her cheek. She turned her face into it, so natural a reaction that she didn't do it consciously, allowing him to caress her skin. She loved the warm feel of his hand on her as the touch sent a slight shiver throughout her body. In over twenty years, that feeling had never gone away and it was the one thing that helped her remain sane, when everything in her mind seemed to be raging in chaos.

"Bella, I love you. I love _all_ of you. This body of yours gave me two beautiful children. For over twenty years, it gave me passion and pleasure. A day doesn't go by where I don't get hard at least once just thinking about you, naked and writhing underneath me."

Bella huffed at his words and tried to shake her head away from her husband, embarrassed by his honesty and unable to accept he could be so physically attracted to her these days. But, he caught her, a palm on each cheek, and raised her face to his, even as she kept her eyes trained on a place over his shoulder and across the room.

"Bella, look at me. _Please!_"

She finally did and his eyes darted back and forth as he searched for something within hers. "It's true, Bells. I love you and I love your body. You're _perfect_ and _sexy_ and _beautiful_. And, I do love being underneath you…"

He placed a soft kiss to her right eye.

"…and over you…"

Then, a kiss to the left eye.

"…and held between those gorgeous thighs of yours."

He punctuated that last line with a kiss to the tip of her nose.

Bella scoffed.

"Yeah, well, better be careful, or they just might squish your head. Better yet, I shouldn't be on top of you anymore or I could end up flattening you. 'Man Killed by Wife's Girth. Film at Eleven'!" Bella mocked the local newscaster and rolled her eyes.

Edward growled, "Damn it, Bella! Stop it! I hate that you do that. If I had a problem with the way you looked, I'd tell you. But, I don't. However, if _you_ do, then you need to decide what you're going to do about it." With that, he pulled her into a hug and refused to let go until she acquiesced, wrapping her arms around his waist and hugged him back.

Her body fell limply into his and she shed some tears. What in the hell was wrong with her? Lately, she couldn't shake the feeling of being overwhelmed and – sad. Sure, she was unhappy with the changes her body had gone through over the last few years, but was that a reason to act so irrationally?

All Bella really wanted was some time alone. Some time to herself to read and work on her hobby of writing short stories. She had photo books she needed to finish online and friends she wanted to catch up with via Facebook and email. But, every time she sat down to work on something or take a few minutes for herself, her kids were there. She wanted to scream and holler at them – tell them to leave her alone. After all, Jacob was sixteen and Leah was thirteen, both old enough to find ways to entertain themselves which didn't require her. But, it was summer break, and they were home most of the time alone which meant they were bored. So when Bella and Edward came home from work on the weekdays and then on the weekends, the kids were damned near up their asses needing someone new to talk to, and talk they did. The other night, Leah had gone on for twenty minutes about how the pink nail polish flaked off faster than the red.

Bella felt like shit for being angry at her kids for wanting to spend time with her. Many kids hated their parents and wanted to be anywhere but home. She should consider herself lucky that hers loved being at home and loved to spend time with herself and Edward. But she just needed … _time alone,_ and no one really understood how desperate that need for solitude made her feel. Edward tried, but even with his education and years of counseling, he couldn't really grasp how she felt.

Between the demands of others on her life and the demands she placed on herself, Bella was about to go completely ape-shit crazy. But, instead, she sucked in a breath and pulled back from her husband. Looking up into his loving and caring eyes, she forced a smile.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I know I need to make some changes. I'm just having a moment; I feel a little overwhelmed with life right now – hormones or something. I'll be fine." She tried hard to sound convincing as she shrugged and pulled away from him.

Edward knew Bella well enough to know she was anything _but _fine. He also knew her well enough to know that he wasn't going to get any more from her right now. He loved her more than his own life. She was everything to him and it was his single goal in life to ensure her happiness. He couldn't do anything about the weight she was so unhappy with, but he could give her the space she seemed to need and, perhaps, find a way in the process to make her understand how much he loved her just as she was.

~~ XOX ~~

"Edward, seriously, you don't need to do this." Bella sat in the car which was currently parked in front of the Holiday Inn a few miles from their home. It had been a week since she fell apart in the closet. Bella had tried to push back her sadness over the last six days, attempting to put on a happy face for the family. But, Edward being Edward saw through the façade.

"Bella, one of the things you said you needed is some quiet and some space to get things done. I'm giving it to you. It's my gift to you. Now, come on!" Edward climbed from the car and went around to her side, opening the door. Bella knew better than to attempt to let herself out of the car when she was with him. After all these years, he still insisted on opening her car door for her. Such a romantic.

After she stepped from the car, Edward moved to the trunk and pulled out her small rolling suitcase and her laptop bag, along with a canvas bag of groceries. Bella had another tote which held her Kindle, Nook, iPod, and notebooks; she was nothing if not prepared and, apparently, in love with technology. The ridiculousness of her massive amount of electronics made her giggle as she met him at the trunk to close it for him.

"What?" Edward asked from beside her.

Bella looked up into his beautiful face. His hair was longer than normal and messy. His late afternoon stubble which adorned his jaw, along with those pink lips turned up into her favorite crooked smile, made her want to reach up on her tiptoes and kiss him. So, she did.

"I'm just thinking about all the gadgets you've bought me over the years. You spoil me," she said, resting a hand on his chest and smiling up at him.

Edward loved that smile. "It's my job," he said with confidence, as he grabbed her things. "Come on, love, let's get you checked in."

Bella still couldn't believe that Edward had booked her a hotel room for the weekend. Two nights and a full day on her own – no kids, no interruptions. She could lie around and Google Chat to her heart's content. It wasn't a fancy hotel on the beach; after all, they were working on a budget – but it was enough.

In fact, it was _more_ than enough. Just walking into the lobby seemed to lift something heavy from Bella's shoulders, her posture growing and her shoulders straightening. Edward noticed her body language changing and he gave himself a mental high-five.

Once they checked in, Edward ushered her up to her room. Pushing the door open, he let Bella walk in first. She let out a surprised gasp when she saw he had paid for the king-sized room with the whirlpool tub in the corner. It was actually _in _the bedroom, so she could sit in the tub and watch whatever she wanted. Excitement began to bubble in her belly as she realized she got to watch whatever _she_ wanted!

"Edward, it's perfect!" she squealed and jumped on the bed, bouncing around on it before grabbing the TV remote. Edward laughed at her childlike antics as he put the groceries on the small counter and her laptop on the desk.

After getting her settled, Edward kissed his wife goodbye. He was more than pleased that she was already looking happier and relaxed and it reaffirmed that he'd done the right thing for her. He told her he would call her later and left.

~~ XOX ~~

A food basket was delivered around six. There was no accompanying card but, from the contents alone, Bella knew it was sent by her two best friends, Alice and Rose. Realizing her friends were in on her weekend surprise getaway brought a smile to her face and a few tears to her eyes. She really was blessed with the people who were in her life.

The basket was loaded with crackers, cheese, chocolate-covered strawberries and a variety of other items which were also covered in both white and dark chocolate. A bottle of Moscato was in the basket, along with a wine glass.

In her suitcase, she'd found a small gift bag from Edward. In it was a bottle of lavender bath salts and matching lotion. Also, a new set of soft blue silk and lace lingerie was wrapped in tissue paper at the bottom of the bag. While Bella wouldn't normally wear the short babydoll gown and silk panties around her home, or even in her bedroom, something about being here alone made her feel brave.

And sensual.

And perhaps even a bit…sexy.

She began to fill the tub with hot water, adding the bath salts as the water reached halfway up the sides of the oversized tub. It was definitely fit for two and she found herself missing her husband.

Edward had texted her to make sure she was doing fine but other than that, he'd left her alone.

Bella poured more wine in the glass and grabbed a strawberry. She dipped the berry into the wine and then sucked it dry before biting into the chocolate-covered fruit. Her friends had spared no expense, as she could tell these were from their favorite chocolatier and not the bakery department at the local grocery.

The tub was ready and she stripped down, for once not feeling ashamed of her nakedness. More than likely, it was from the effects of the wine and being alone. She contemplated taking a picture of herself and sending it to Edward, but then decided against it. After all, what if one of the kids had his phone and saw the picture? She didn't need to scar them for life with her nakedness.

Settling back into the tub, she turned on the jets and turned up the TV volume so she could hear the Real Housewives episode she was watching, as she sipped more at the glass of sweet wine. She was in heaven. If her husband were here, she probably wouldn't even mind showing him how much she appreciated his thoughtfulness in giving her this time alone. She might even do it with the lights on.

_Shudder at the thought!_

She giggled at herself and closed her eyes, listening to the tirade that one of the whiny socialites was breaking into on TV. She began to block it out as she thought of her husband.

_Edward…_

He would love it here. She pictured him, pouring water over her as he bathed her, gently massaging soap into her skin, taking his time around her breasts, kneading and caressing. The visual had her worked up so quickly, she found herself kneading her breasts herself as her other hand gently stroked her thigh.

She was so body-conscious that Bella had all but given up on touching herself. She never did it in front of Edward, worried about what he might think. She had spent years convincing herself that he would be repulsed by her naked body in the throes of passion, especially when she was bringing herself to climax.

Her hand stilled and she knew she couldn't do it even now, when she was alone.

Instead, she bathed herself and, once done, climbed out of the tub. Still feeling somewhat comfortable in her own skin, she put on the lingerie that Edward had given her. That she was able to do. Somehow, it fit perfectly, as if he knew her body better than she did. The cups held her breasts just right, with lace and silk; the fabric skimmed in an A-Line down to her hips, accentuating her body in the right places while hiding the extra rolls at her waist. The panties weren't the cheap scraps of fabric that usually accompanied this type of outfit. They were a boy-short cut which fit her perfectly, giving her the coverage she liked; she knew Edward also loved the style on her.

Bella smiled as she checked herself out in the full-length mirror on the closet door and did a spin. She had rubbed the lotion into her arms and legs and brushed out her hair so it fell in soft waves around her shoulders.

"If only Edward could see me now," she said to herself. Turning her back away from her reflection, she stole a glance over her shoulder and winked.

There was a sudden knock at the door and Bella jumped. Her heart raced and she attempted to slow it by pressing her hand to her chest. She wasn't expecting anyone, so she hesitantly approached the door, quietly lookingthrough the peephole. She was surprised by who she saw on the other side.

Unlatching the door, she pulled it open, careful to keep her body hidden as she peeked around. Her eyes met the familiar green she knew and loved. "Edward?"

"At your service, ma'am." He gave her a wicked grin that had her clenching her thighs. "May I come in?"

Bella nodded and stepped to the side, opening the door a little wider.

Edward strolled in wearing his charcoal gray suit and light blue Oxford shirt. The blue of his shirt nearly matched her nightie and she idly wondered if he'd planned it that way. He turned toward her and held out a vase filled with lavender roses. Bella took them from him and leaned in close, breathing deeply of their scent. "They smell divine," she said, her voice a little breathy.

"Sterling roses, they're beautiful. Like you," he said, running his index finger down her jaw and neck.

"Why so dressed up?" Bella asked, walking over to the desk to put the vase down.

Edward stepped up behind her and leaned in, skimming his nose along the same path his finger had just taken. He softly spoke into her skin, "This is for you, Bella. I'm coming to you dressed like this because I love you and you deserve the best. I want to be the best for you, the way you are for me." He ended with a gentle kiss at the place where her neck and shoulder met, causing her to shudder.

Titling her head back, she allowed him better access, of which he took full advantage. "You look beautiful, Bells, and you smell divine." He breathed deeply through his nose and Bella finally found her courage. She spun around in his hands and faced him, grabbing his jacket lapels and pulling him closer. Edward's hands gripped at her hips as he kissed and suckled at her pink flesh from one ear down and around to the other.

Standing straight and taking a step back from his wife, Edward looked around the room. He found the TV remote and changed the channel from the screaming women to one of the music-only channels. Soft jazz filled the room. He slid off his jacket, throwing it onto the back of the desk chair, and then stalked back over to Bella. "I see you made good use of the tub." Playfulness twinkled in his eyes as he stood in front of her, grabbing her hips and guiding her towardd the dresser. "Perhaps, later, I can help you bathe in there again, if you'd like."

He said it with a shrug, as if he could have gone without it if she said no, but there was nothing Bella liked the sound of more.

The wine, bath, hotel room and lingerie combined to stir feelings of desire from deep within her belly. Bella wanted her husband more than she had in a very long time. She wanted to be bare in front of him. A voice in the back of her mind screamed at her to strip down and take him like the temptress she wished she was – all with the lights glowing brightly. But, she was scared; and, with her fear, came hesitation and insecurity.

"I – I think I'd like that," she managed to say out loud while, in her mind, she was yelling, _Hell, fucking yes!_

"Good, because so would I," he said in a sultry voice as her ass hit the dresser. Edward's grip tightened around her waist and Bella quickly stopped him.

"What are you doing?" Panic filled her voice as she realized he was about to attempt lifting her, something he hadn't done in two decades and she was heavier now than she was when they'd first begun dating.

"Bella, stop! I see it in your eyes and you just need to stop. Put your arms around my neck."

She just looked at him, fear bubbling up inside her. _He'll know how fat I am if he tries to lift me. I can't hide it from him then…_

"Bella. Now!" he gently demanded and she complied. "There's my girl," he said as he leaned in, skimming his mouth along her cheek to her lips. The kiss was gentle but full of passion; Bella parted her lips to allow his tongue access. With a tilt of her head, her eyes closed and her body relaxed into his. Before she knew it, he had lifted her onto the dresser, never having broken the kiss.

Edward's hands skimmed her thighs. They slid up and down, up and down, as they got closer to her now-aching core. Pulling his mouth from hers, he kissed back down the line from her neck to her chest. His left hand stayed on its course, rubbing up and down her thigh, while the right pulled the cup of the gown down, freeing her breast so he could close his lips around her nipple. The sensation of Edward rubbing so close to her core as he sucked and bit her nipple had Bella breathing heavily. She couldn't stop the moans falling from her lips if she'd wanted to – which, incidentally, she didn't.

Edward reached with his right hand to the lamp on the dresser and turned it on. Bella quickly snapped to attention. "What are you doing?!"

Edward looked up at her from where his teeth were gently pulling on her taut nipple before flicking it with his tongue, and then pulling away from the hardened pink flesh. "I want to see you tonight, Bells. No dark rooms here. It's just us, no kids and no real life. We can be whoever we want and we can do whatever we want. What I want is to see my beautiful wife with her face flushed and her mouth parted as I make her come."

Standing up, Edward stepped back from her and began to unbutton his cuffs. His eyes never left hers as he rolled his sleeves to the elbows. Bella had been left to sit alone on the dresser, feeling cold without his touch and more than a little confused.

"Edward? What are you doing?" She thought perhaps he was going to strip down for her. But, instead of looking like a man preparing to make love to his wife, he looked like he was headed to the kitchen to wash dishes.

He stepped back toward her. "I have a lot of work ahead of me tonight, love. I'm just getting myself ready."

Bella figured he was _already_ ready since she could she his ample shaft pressed hard against his pants. _God, I love that cock! _ Bella surprised herself with the thought. She hadn't allowed herself to feel sexual in a very long time. Something about this night, with Edward, was beginning to tear down her thickly-built walls, even if it was going to take some time.

He kissed her again, wrapping one hand around the nape of her neck as the other hand moved back along her thigh, this time climbing higher until it skimmed her panty line and his thumb dipping under the fabric. "Mmmm," he said against her lips. "So wet already." He sounded pleased. Bella was glad that he sounded pleased.

In an instant, Edward had fallen to his knees in front of her. Not giving her any time to protest the action, he pressed his palms to the insides of her thighs and pushed them open. Bella braced herself on the dresser, pressing her palms into the wood. She wanted to recoil in the embarrassment of herself being wide open like this and in his face, but Edward had grabbed her thighs and held them firm. He stared into her eyes with an intensity she'd never seen before; his jade eyes boring into her, into her very soul. "You aren't going to hide from me, Bella. Not tonight. I'm going to show you how much I worship you, worship your body. Every curve, every inch of you – I _will_ bow down to you tonight. And, my love, you'll receive it without complaint or fear. Understood?"

_God!_ The firmness of his tone sent a shiver from the top of her head to the tips of her toes and all she could to was nod her submittal to him.

With that, he kissed the inside of one thigh, from knee to apex, and then did the same to the other. Settling his mouth on her core over her panties, he blew hot air onto the fabric, making her squirm. She was already soaking wet for him, one well-placed lick and she was sure she would come undone.

"Have I ever told you how much I love the way you taste?"

_Holy fuck!_ Edward had never said that to her. She knew he liked to make love to her with his mouth, but he'd never said anything like _that_ to her before. His saying that now had her combusting into flames.

"N-No!" was all she could choke out as his long finger skimmed her panty line again, pulling it to the side.

He looked back up into her eyes. "Well, I do." With that, he pressed his face into her core and Bella bit her lip to hold back the scream. Edward worked her over with his tongue, humming and sucking around her clit. He was like a man who hadn't eaten for weeks, insatiable and wanting. When she came, it was with her hands threaded within his hair, his face pulled tightly into her as she rested her head back onto the mirror.

As Bella attempted to gain control of her ragged breathing, she adjusted the cup of her top, which was still pushed underneath her breast.

Edward stood up to slowly undress, toeing off his shoes and kicking them to the side. When his fingers moved to the buttons of his shirt, Bella finally found her voice, along with a glimmer of courage.

"No, wait! I want to do that. Come here!" She sat up straight and held her hand out to her husband. Edward gave her the crooked smile she'd fallen in love with so long ago, then moved to stand between her knees.

Bella's fingers shook slightly as she worked the buttons through the holes. Once done, she pulled the shirt open, revealing Edward's toned chest. She ran her fingers along his collarbone and then lower, skimming through the light smattering of hair as she moved to pull the shirt free from his pants. She kept her eyes on what she was doing, not daring to look at him for fear of chickening out. She was trying to be fearless and looking into his eyes would only make her doubt herself and her actions.

As if reading her mind, Edward's hands stopped hers as he spoke. "Bella, look at me." She complied and he continued. "Love, please don't be afraid to look at me. I want you to watch me because I'm hoping that through my eyes, you'll see yourself the way I see you – perfect and beautiful."

Bella said nothing, but gave him a hesitant nod and a smile. Edward was hopeful as it was a more genuine smile than any she'd given him before when he'd paid her a compliment. It seemed that he was slowly working down her walls.

Her eyes stayed on his and she found her fingers had stopped shaking, as if he provided her with courage and strength merely by looking at her. She worked at his belt and then the button at his waistband before lowering his zipper, reaching into his boxers to take hold of his length. It was a bold move and one she hadn't made in a very long time.

A hiss passed through Edward's lips and she could tell he was fighting to keep his eyes open, keeping them trained on hers. They seared into her, lust and desire making them slightly glazed over. Bella felt empowered as she reached up and slid his shirt off his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. She slid off the dresser top to stand in front of him, forcing herself forward in her mind; pushing through the fear of not doing something right or Edward finding her body less than perfect. She reached for the hem of her silk top and lifted it over her head, leaving her only in the panties.

"So lovely," Edward said, his eyes raking over her body, emboldening Bella further. She turned him up against the dresser as she grabbed the waistband of his pants and boxers. She pushed both down together, freeing his hard length, involuntarily licking her lips.

"I saw that!" he chuckled, low and sultry.

She looked at him with a cocked brow. "You saw nothing," she teased as she went down on her knees in front of him. She lifted one leg and then the other, removing his pants and socks until he was naked in front of her. Their eyes met as she ran her hands up his calves to his thighs and around to his well-toned and tight ass. It was her turn to smirk as she leaned forward and took him into her mouth. One long slide and he was nearly fully seated in her mouth, the tip of his cock hitting the back of her throat causing Edward to emit a low moan. This time, he did close his eyes in pleasure, and Bella couldn't help the feeling of pride and satisfaction.

His hands held firm to the edge of the dresser as she worked her way up and down his shaft, licking and sucking. Edward's hand found her hair but, instead of assisting her in her ministrations, he stilled her.

"Bella, this is supposed to be about _you_, not me."

Bella pulled back, taking him in her hand as she released him from her mouth, looking up into the face of her beautiful husband. Her heart swelled so widely that it nearly burst with love and joy. Even when he was being pleasured, he still only cared for her. She came first, no matter what. _Figuratively, literally and sexually, it seems,_ she thought with a stifled giggle.

She began to finally understand how much he really did love her and maybe, just maybe, she could allow him to love her just as she was – maybe she could also learn to love herself in the process.

"Edward, this _is_ about me. It's about getting past my insecurities and body issues, my anxiety over what you'll think or if I'll do something wrong. This is _all_ about me. And right now, what I want…"

The words froze in her throat, she wanted to be bold enough to say them. But they stalled out as her mouth hung open.

"Bella, tell me what you want," he spoke softly, rubbing his thumb on her cheek and across her bottom lip. "Bella, it's me – you can tell me anything, say anything. What do you want?"

She swallowed hard and closed her eyes; she couldn't say it and look at him.

"I want to suck you until you come." She'd never done that before, he'd never allowed her. He always said he wanted to finish inside her. And, while she was sure part of that was true, she was also sure part of it was that he was again putting her anxiety and feelings first.

"Bells, God…" was all he could say as she held his cock in one hand and lowered her mouth back over it. Before long, they were in sync with one another. Bella had her arms wrapped around his thighs once again as Edward fisted her hair, rocking in and out of her. He found his release while panting her name as if it were a prayer. Bella surprised even herself by swallowing him down, every drop. She couldn't stop herself as she licked him clean and then sat back on her heels, a smug smile on her face.

A moment passed before Edward spoke, "You look quite proud of yourself there, Mrs. Cullen."

Bella's eyes met his, she knew her grin was huge and she couldn't shake it if she tried. Suddenly, her nakedness seemed irrelevant. "_Turn on all the lights!"_ she wanted to yell. After all, she'd just made her husband come.

_With her mouth! _

And, she drank it down without an ounce of hesitation like she was some sort of vixen pro. She gave herself a mental fist pump.

"Actually, I _am_ quite proud of myself, Mr. Cullen. In fact, I might need to try that again sometime. Maybe with you tied to the bed." Her voice was steady and sure. Edward grinned back down at her and offered her a hand to stand up. She noticed at the mention of fucking him with her mouth, he'd begun to harden again. _Amazing._

"I'm game whenever you are, love."

He led her to the bed and pulled the sheets back before laying her down and climbing in next to her. They laid together, Edward on his back and Bella tucked into his side for nearly half an hour. They talked about the kids and what she had gotten done that evening. The whole time, Bella drew circles on his chest and he stroked her hip. His erection had ebbed some but the fire in Bella's abdomen was growing.

Edward reached up and cupped her cheek, bringing their lips together in a sensual kiss of lips, teeth and tongues. He pushed Bella onto her back and knelt between her legs. It hadn't gotten by him that she allowed the lights to stay on and he planned to take full advantage. He broke their kiss and sat back on his heels, between his wife's legs.

This time, he didn't have to demand she look at him. _Progress! _He was pleased with how far they'd come in just a short period of time. Her self-confidence was growing.

"Bella, you'll always be the most beautiful creature to me. No woman can ever compare to you. Your body is perfection; not only does it turn me on, but also tells the story of our life together."

Bella quirked a brow at him. If he broke into that damned 'Your Body is a Wonderland' song, she might have to kick his ass out. She hated that song.

He ran his fingers along her body, pointing things out.

"This little mark here is from when you pierced your nose. And then you chickened out because you were worried about what your dad would say. I told you that you were a grown woman who could do whatever you wanted with your body. And, you were courageous, right up until we got to your front porch."

Bella laughed as she remembered her brief moment of late teenage rebellion. Even though she was twenty and no longer living at home, she still wanted her dad's approval. She had put off visiting him for two weeks, trying to work up the nerve to show him the nose ring.

Bella realized she'd always been seeking the approval of everyone but herself. She wondered how much of life she'd missed out on because of that. What else had she not done? What had she ending up doing because what others thought of her was so important? It wasn't because she wanted to be popular, but because she wanted to be liked. She'd spent years convincing herself that she had to fit the mold of what society, her parents, and even strangers on the street thought was perfect. She never considered what _she _thought was perfect for herself.

"This is where the stick jammed into you that time we had sex in the woods," he said, pointing to a small scar on her shoulder.

"This is from the time you burnt your wrist when you made dinner the first time for my parents – pot roast. It was awesome and my parents fought on the way home because my dad said your roast was better than my mom's."

"What!? I never knew that!" Bella was appalled. No wonder Esme had insisted on making rack of lamb the next time they went over for dinner. Thankfully, that was where the pissing match with her now mother-in-law ended. They were more like best friends than rivals.

"Mmm-hmm." Edward nodded as he reached for her right leg.

"This scar is from when you stepped on the fishing rod when you insisted we go fishing together; somewhere, I have a scar from the hook you got me with." He licked her arch causing a giggle to escape her lips.

His hands slid up her thigh to a spot that had long since faded, but they both remembered well. "This is the spot I bit you that time, when I got a little rough. I was so worried you'd be mad but, instead, you groaned and told me to give you more. Do you remember?"

She _did_ remember. She remembered that love bite quite well; she'd been convinced he drew blood – which of course he hadn't – but the way he sucked and licked it made the pain ebb, and all she'd wanted was more. "I remember." Her breath was raspy with desire and she could feel herself growing wet again.

"This scar is from where you gave me our son," he said, running a finger along the line that was forever part of her abdomen from her C-section. Jake had been a stubborn one and hadn't wanted to come out. "And somewhere down here," he said, his finger trailing between her legs almost down to her ass, "there should be a scar from where you gave me our daughter."

Leah had been a V-back, born traditionally through the vagina and with a lot of drugs. The episiotomy had left Bella sore for a couple of weeks.

"Yeah, well, your daughter has a big head. Sorta like her dad!" Bella couldn't help but poke fun at him. After all, it was the running joke in the family. If you said it was hot inside a room, one – if not both – of them responded immediately with "That's 'cause I'm in here!" referring to their good looks heating up the place. Bella and Jake had always just groaned and rolled their eyes.

"How about we stop talking about our kids?" Edward asked as his finger made circles at her clit. "I have some body worshipping to do and I really only want to think about my fuck-tastically beautiful wife right now."

"Okay," Bella breathed out.

Edward halted his actions. "Okay?" He seemed confused by her response.

"Yes, Edward, okay."

"No scoff at my calling you beautiful?" His head tilted to the side.

"I believe that was 'fuck-tastically beautiful' and I think I'll take it, thank you very much."

His eyebrows shot up to his hairline, as the smile grew on his face. "Well, all right then! Let's get to it!" His mouth found hers, and then dropped to her neck and breasts. He took her in, licking and kissing everywhere, telling her how much he loved her. He talked about her reverently and whispered praises to her for all she'd done, for who she was, and for what she meant to him.

Bella was crying tears of joy as Edward used his mouth to bring her to another release. As his face came back into view, he grabbed her hands, twining their fingers together and bending her arms so they were on either side of her head.

He kissed her nose and eyes and cheeks as he slid into her. Their bodies moved together, slowly; taking their time was a luxury they never had when they were at home. At any moment, one of the kids could knock at the door, demanding to show them something on YouTube or Facebook. But here – now – Edward lowered his whole body down onto her, like a deliciously heavy blanket, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her to him tightly. Bella responded by wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his shoulders. Cradling his head to her neck, they silently rocked together. When they came, it was simultaneous and one of the most beautiful moments they'd ever shared.

~~ XOX ~~

"So, what is it that you like about this show?" Edward asked as he washed her back. They had filled the tub back up and Bella now sat between his legs, her back to him, as she brought to life her fantasy from just hours earlier.

She'd convinced him to let her put the TV back on and the Housewives marathon was still in full force.

"It's just…ridiculous! They have no idea what real problems are while they complain about not being able to go to Napa for vacation or that their hair extensions aren't the right color. The drama is truly addictive."

Edward just shook his head. His lovely wife had been explaining the storylines of each of the women to him and he still didn't get the allure.

"You know, Bells, if you wanted drama, all you had to do was stay home. Leah just broke up with that Sam kid today; said he was cheating on her with Emily."

Bella turned so quickly that water splashed over the sides of the tub. "What?! Why are you telling me this now? I should call her!"

While they'd talked about the kids, Edward had held off on this bit of news, knowing exactly how she'd take it. Even at thirteen, their daughter was full of passion. Her friends were important to her and she protected them until the end. Sam had been her boyfriend for all of three weeks. Edward wasn't happy with his baby girl having a steady boyfriend, but Bella had ensured him it wouldn't last. And it hadn't. But what none of them expected was that her best friend of five years, Emily, would be the reason for the breakup.

Edward held his wife's arms and kept her in the tub as she was attempting to climb out. "Bella, Rose, and Alice are with her. They're having a girl's night while Jake hangs out with the guys. It's all good. I told you the kids were fine, and they are. Emily knows this time is important to you and she said that if you insisted on coming home to tell you not to. OK?"

Bella relaxed and nodded as she turned back around, leaning into Edward's chest. His arms wrapped around her waist as he planted kisses on her shoulder. It was damp and smelled of lavender.

It wasn't long before he had fingers working into her, stroking her sex, in and out. His other hand twisted and pulled at her nipple as his mouth sucked and nipped at her neck. Bella's head was tilted back to rest on Edward's shoulder and, once again, she didn't hold back the moans of pleasure as she came around his long fingers.

Edward pulled back from her and pushed her forward. He put her hands on the side of the tub and grabbed her hips, putting her onto her knees.

"Edward?" Bella asked over her shoulder. She had tried to figure out if there was a way to have sex in the tub, but decided it would be too hard and too messy, with water flying over the sides. Apparently, Edward was on the same line of thinking as she was, but had thrown caution out the window.

"Bella, I need to be inside you, now!" He grabbed her left thigh and pulled it to the side, opening her up wider as he rubbed a finger back along her slick opening. He pushed against the tight, pink hole of her ass and she flinched. "One day, Bells. One day."

With that promise hanging in the air over them, he slid into her. Her moist heat enveloped his cock as he rode her hard and fast. Hands on her hips, he pounded into her as he rasped out dirty things. He told her how he loved to lick her until she screamed. How he loved to watch himself sliding in and out of her, his dick covered in her cream. How one day, he wanted to watch as he slid into the other, tighter hole. Everything he said would normally have had Bella dying from embarrassment, and hiding her face. But not now – now, she told him how she'd love him taking her in any way he wanted, fucking her mouth and her ass as he pleased.

"God, you're perfect, woman! I love you so much…" Edward grunted out as his head fell back and he came hard before falling across his wife's back in exhaustion. He wrapped his arms around her waist as he sat back on his heels, kneeling in the tub. He pulled Bella onto his lap, still semi-hard and still inside her.

Bella looked over the side of the now half-empty tub. She hadn't noticed the water loss while they fucked, but she did now and laughed. "Looks like we made a mess!"

"Mmmm… we did," Edward said as he nuzzled her neck, gently petting her body, rubbing her abdomen, belly and thighs. She didn't try sucking in her waist and she didn't shy away from his touch.

He was more than pleased.

~~ XOX ~~

"Bells, do you remember when it all changed for you? You used to not dislike yourself so much."

They had curled back up in the bed, the TV volume muted as they fed each other chocolates and talked. Now, they snuggled, fingers exploring each other in a lazy way that was more sensual than sexual. Bella hummed as Edward gently circled a nipple.

"I think as the kids got older and I felt like I was getting…old."

Edward scoffed, attempting to interrupt her but she put a finger to his lips to stop him. "You asked me a question, Edward, now let me finish."

He grinned around her finger and nodded.

"I know it's stupid, but it's how I feel…"

"Which makes it _not_ stupid," he interjected.

Bella gave him a look that told him to shut it and Edward held up a hand defensively, then encouraged her to go on.

"I feel as if I've been searching for something. Liking myself again is only part of it. I'm not that happy at work. I mean, administrative assistant wasn't my life's plan, but it helped pay the bills and gave us security. The kids are becoming independent and, while I hate it when they crowd me for attention, I also hate that my identity was so twisted being a mom for sixteen years that I ended up losing myself."

She sighed and pushed up, adjusting the pillows behind her back and leaning against the headboard. The sheet fell to her waist and she didn't bother to cover herself up and hide from her husband. She watched as his eyes dropped to her nipples and he licked his lips. A smirk drew up the side of her mouth as she thought about telling him – no, _demanding_ him – to suck her nipple hard.

Empowered didn't begin to describe how she was feeling. And she loved it.

Edward rose onto his elbow and looked up at her, idly stroking her abdomen. "I thought you loved being a mom?"

"I do, Edward. I just have to figure out who I am. They don't need me the way they did as babies and toddlers, it makes me feel worthless. Add that to my weight gain and my insecurities grew exponentially." She pushed his hair back from his forehead and scratched his scalp. His eyes fluttered closed as he leaned into her fingers and then matched her attentions with his own, gently scratching her skin. He moved lower and lower until his hand was underneath the sheet, and she was instinctively parting her legs to give him access.

"You know that you aren't worthless," he said, pushing up to kiss her belly and then moving up to her chest.

"I know."

"You can do anything you want, including quitting your job." He pulled back and looked up at her with cautiously. He'd wanted to tell her that the practice was going so well that she _could _quit. But, he'd thought she enjoyed her job and wouldn't want to give up her independence. Now he knew better; she felt trapped and he wanted to help free her.

"Really?" she asked, surprise in her voice.

"Yes, really. But we don't have to talk about that now."

"True that," Bella said, fisting his hair and pulling him to her tit.

"Is there something you want, Mrs. Cullen?" he asked as his lips pressed against her skin.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen, your magical mouth on my tit, please, and thank you."

"My pleasure, ma'am." He took her nipple into his mouth and rolled it between his teeth, as his fingers worked their way in and out of her. It didn't take long for him to wring another orgasm from her and before he could register her movement, she was on top of him, riding him until he fell apart underneath her.

~~ XOX ~~

The morning sun filtered into the room. The TV, still on mute, cast its own shadows across the walls. Bella stretched languidly, arms over her head and feet pointed straight out. She felt deliciously sore – and perfect.

She rolled to see Edward, lying on his stomach, and still asleep. His face was turned toward her and she resisted the urge to touch his cheek. It had been a long time since she'd felt this relaxed. She'd spent so much time taking care of everyone and worrying about everyone else, that she'd stopped taking care of herself. And while that _might_ sound selfish, Edward made her realize last night that it simply wasn't. She couldn't meet everyone else's needs if she wasn't meeting her own.

_What was that old saying?_

_If momma ain't happy, no one's happy._

Momma Bella needed to be happy – with herself and her life, and to be the best wife and mom she could be.

Step one – loving herself for who she was on the inside and outside.

Edward showed her how he saw her and she realized she was greatly exaggerating what she saw of herself. Sure, she was curvy and maybe even slightly...chubby. But her husband loved it, and said she was – by far – the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He spoke about her body as if it were a work of art and whispered words of praise as he made love to her.

"You gonna stare at me all morning?" His voice was rough from sleep and he hadn't even cracked his eyes open yet. But, that crooked grin she loved was already spreading across his face.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I believe I am." She finally stroked his cheek as she had wanted; now that he was awake, she could do what she pleased.

He let out a contented sigh at her touch. "How are you this morning, love?" He still hadn't opened his eyes. She worked her hand down his back, pushing the sheet off him so she could see his long, lean body. She loved the spot on his lower back where it met the curve of his ass.

"I'm… perfect," she answered, saying out loud what she'd thought when she woke. At that, she began stroking his ass, then his thigh, leaning into his arm and kissing it before planting more kisses on his back.

"That's because you _are_ perfect," he said and turned under her. He was achingly hard for her already and he grabbed her under the arms, laying her atop him.

"And beautiful," Bella said, with a kiss to his chest as she straddled his hips.

"Damned straight," he said as he grabbed her hips and guided her onto him. Her hands went to the headboard as she rode him hard and fast. Knowing that the morning sun was filling the room, she smiled as she threw her chest forward on full display.

~~ XOX ~~

"Tell Leah she can call if she needs to." Bella pulled back from Edward's hug. They were standing at the door of the room, saying goodbye. She'd considered going home with him, just as he'd considered asking her to come home.

But they both knew that she still needed this time alone. Bella had mounds of projects she wanted to work on, and she had a story idea brewing that she wanted to get down on paper. It helped that Edward had promised to make another late night visit to her and, this time, he was coming with play toys. The thought filled her with excitement rather than the usual apprehension and fear. It was a nice change.

"Well, she has Al and Rose; I'm sure she'll be OK, but I'll tell her anyway."

Bella opened the door of the room, comfortable and happy in her yoga pants and t-shirt. Her sexy man stood in the doorway and pulled her into a deep kiss full of desire and promise.

"Until tonight," he said against her cheek.

"Tonight," she sighed back.

"Love you, Bells." He turned for the elevator and she leaned against the door frame, watching him walk away. She was filled with anticipation for his return later.

"Love you, too. Hurry back – and use your key!" She'd given him a room key and she wanted him to use it, so he'd find her on full display when he came back later. Oh, yeah – her confidence was back in full force.

He gave her that sexy smirk as he stepped into the elevator.

Bella knew she had a lot to do, the self-doubt hadn't cropped up in just a day's time, and it wouldn't go away after just one night of fantastic sex. _Although it's a great start_, she mused, going over to her laptop and opening it. The screen lit up and she was confused for a moment as she hadn't remembered leaving it on.

When she unlocked the screen, she saw a Word document had been minimized at the bottom. Clicking on it, she smiled as the white page came up.

It read:

_Dearest Bella – I love you more today than ever. You are a wonderful mom and a loving wife. You are my lover and my friend. If you ever begin to doubt yourself, your abilities, your beauty, remember to look at yourself through my eyes. To me, you are perfect, just as you are._

Bella got a lot done that day.

Photobook – _check_

Outline for current short story – _check_

Emails to her mom and old friend Angela – _check and check _

Finished a book and started another - _check_

Resignation letter (yes, she was taking Edward up on his offer) – _CHECK!_

When Edward returned at six o'clock, with dinner and an appetite for more than the burgers he'd picked up, he found his wife naked, spread out on the bed for him. All the lights were on and she was stroking herself, something he hadn't seen her do in at least a decade. He dropped the bag, practically running over to her. He buried his face in her core, making her scream his name, before stripping down and making love to her.

Later, they sat in bed, naked and watching episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. As they were eating their cold burgers and fries, Edward asked how her day had been.

Bella considered everything she could tell him and decided on only one word:

"Perfect."


End file.
